Drat. Likewise Bother

I think we are now hearing the restart of the on-off Pip and Toby shagathon.

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Are these the heats in the Cross-country section?

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Well… I am rather hoping that now she has been told in no uncertain terms that Toby doesn’t want her, she will decide that Ambridge is horrible and she needs to get away, and take a job elsewhere.

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Remember Fishy. This is Pip and whatever Pip wants, Pip GETS!
Even if Roofy and Divot have to buy him for her.

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I think they might dislike him enough not to do it, just this once.

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But then, Pip will sit on the farm gate and do the Violet Elizabeth Bott act and Squeam x3.

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The trouble is that I didn’t take it that Toby didn’t want her, but rather that in spite of what he said he has not got over her and her using him for casual sex would be too harrowing to his feelings. It’s not like Toby to turn down a shag, after all, so I’m afraid that means he is still in love with her and I expect the vain little besom will realise it soon enough.

It would be nice if she tried to start up their relationship again seriously and he really wasn’t interested. Only I am very much afraid he is, still.

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Take heart, Janie. Why do you think Aniseed’s long-suffering family have had a further catastrophe visited on them? Right. Both Borefeathers at a loose (as it were) end. Potential for ill-feeling between brothers, blushing baritone maiden unable to decide, jealousy, tiffs and geese/suction cups flung at dawn… how could they possibly resist. How could Tobe possibly resist, now I think about it? One of Borsetshire’s easiest leys and his sickle has been put up for oiling. Or something, I don’t know, it’s all a bit technical, this agricultural stuff. Coos moo, lambs baaaa, pigs oink and gruntle gently, and goats well, they basically jump up and down on your head, rip your skirt off*, and then go off and eat the neighbours’ washing, cars, rhubarb patch and children…

*no, really, that happened. OK, I was young and weak, it had an elasticated waist and provocative polka dots and it was basically asking for it…

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Late SiL had taken her grandson to a small ‘petting farm’ nearby

An goat chewed her dress whilst they were looking at summat else

Carinthia.xx

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It was its Goatly Duty so to do.

Petting zoos - saw a wonderful cartoon in (I think) Private Eye - just a big notice saying ‘Petting Zoo’ and all these poor beasties with traumatised, googly eyes and very wibbly, very bendy legs which enabled them to crouch well below the level of the fences

Aye, I know, it would be more effective to post the cartoon, but I cannae find it.

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