Years of practice me dear.
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I wonder if I could make a hammock from gin bottles
To keep by the gin lake dere chatelaine…
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That Poodle has landed and is being Gorgeous.
Some of the detail of the DIY barn wedding weekend you would have needed to be there to understand, as my descriptive powers are inadequate. The most troubling Things That Went Wrong were:
The barn roof was leaking - in two places, right where the guests would be sat for the Ceremony. A roofer was summoned.
The double doors to the Ceremony room had a faulty latch and the doors kept swinging open, allowing ingress of rain and wind. (A locksmith attended - eventually.)
The caterer’s delivery squad had left crates upon crates of glasses, crockery, cutlery and an enormous fridge and cooker standing right where we needed to set up the tables. They had boogered off.
The owner’s two small sons were careering in and out of the place, treading endless amounts of mud and wet throughout. DD and I were grinding our teeth, until one of them careered through clutching a claw hammer, followed by his brother who was clutching a screwdriver. My look of horror/fury registered with their father and he cleared them out. There was no floor mop on the premises.
Mr and Miss Bee had checked into our hotel room, in order to safely store The Dress, shoes, bag, suitcases etc. before we went to the barn. At 08.00, on the morning of the wedding, Miss Bee arrived at our room panic-stricken, as she couldn’t find her shoes and clutch bag. There were tears when she realised that they were not in our room. Mr Bee searched the car, to no avail. More tears. I sent my beloved Bees to Reception where it was discovered that the shoes and bag had been left outside of our room (somehow…) and some quick-thinking soul/sod had handed them into Reception, who safely stored them behind the desk without telling any of us where they were.
Master Bee 'phoned me from the Edinburgh coach (carrying half of the guests) to tell me that it was lost - this was 20 minutes before the ceremony. Then his 'phone lost signal. Thankfully the dolt-of-a-driver who should have done a bludyy recce, surely, managed to find the venue just in time.
More stuff happened (Groomsman who didn’t have cufflinks, another who had mislaid his tie) and several other irritations and I ended up, when trying to talk to the Celebrant, sounding like one of the Flowerpot Men, so incoherent was I.
The Wedding was, however, just the most gloriously happy and relaxed affair. The canapés were delicious, I’m told (my tummy was the size of a walnut by that stage) the speeches were good and funny, the food, drink, bar, ceilidh, disco and general happiness could not have been surpassed. The Bride was beautiful and radiant and says that it was the best day of her life. Carinthia’s wonderful work was very much admired and I felt like a million dollars.
Thank you, those who have managed to make it to the end. It’s a bluddy wonder that we did.
Soo xx
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Gin required Toot Sweet fer Soo
I’d have been knocking heads together
Keep stroking That Poodle
More Gin is onnits way…
Carinthia.xx
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Marvellous, properly marvellous.
But it’s a wonder we managed to get an Empire isn’t it !!
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[pourity] the Good Gin forra Weary 
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Gluggity.
Weary but happy
These DIY affairs can produce very individual and custom designed weddings, but the amount of w#rk involved is staggeringly high. Five ovvus spent two hours clearing up, yesterday morning (we should have been ‘out’ by 12.00 - dos that forra caper, quoth I and we managed 12.30). The recycling was unbelievably HUGE in quantity and the local authority had just introduced colour coded glass disposal (clear, brown, green) which took dossing ages and, when we got to the tip, no booger else had bothered! Gluggity.
I’m still a happy Just wanted to share.
Soo xx
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My avatar izz now missing a foot. At least it’s not legless - yet.
Soo xx
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Snork !
No longer lying down, either
I did the catering for a do it yourself wedding 35 years ago, for stepdaughter & it nearly killed me
Carinthia.xx
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I quelled the natives with a Look, Armers. Just think what I might have achieved in Empire building times.
Soo xx
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The Ceilidh Islands?
A tax haven, home to a vigorous race of dancing savages, some of whose rituals recall the eightsome reel. A matriarchy, where a thin veneer of Christianity barely masks the original worship, and fear, of the Bee. Ceremonial Objects include rose petals and (empty) gin bottles. Oh, and the shrunken heid of a coach driver. Onna stick.
PS: anyone here familiar with The General Danced At Dawn?
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Hurrah for Gorgeous Poodle!
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She has just farted in appreciation. 
Soo xx
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Isn’t that the current Cabinet?
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I soon will be, Gus.It sounds like fun.
Soo xx
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Good nights, Cellarites.
Soo zzzzzzzzzz
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Gin, Soo
Don’t ferget it
Carinthia.xx
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Why does nobody remind me to take gin to my bed?
Soo my parrot farts
She laughs and chortles with it though
I bet The Poodle is more refined
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We only remind people about things we think it’s possible they might forget?
Orf to me nest.
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Oh it is. George MacDonald Fraser. Short stories. There is a single volume available. Not at all Flashman. A Scots regiment in North Africa and at home shortly after the war.
Recommended.
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