Poppy juice pills taken here
I like the wee tweety birds Soo
But none of them have access to gin
So dear dunnock is still the best birdie ever
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Ah, Twellsy. I am so sorry that you have had to resort to poppy derivatives.
Kindest wishes.
Soo xx
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[swearity] [swearity] [curses]
And why the torrent of profanity? Well, itâs like thisâŚ
Preparing to shut down for the night, took a small handful of Very Expensive Biscuits to top up Modomâs bowl lest night starvation strike, and carefully transferred said handful into my drink. I heard that, and no, I hadnât âhad too much alreadyâ
Gah!
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Immoderate Snork ! 
Carinthia.xx
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Gus I snorked long and as hard as me edake would allow
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Tell that edake to sod off, from me. Gx
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FâDave is coming to collect my vehicle this morning forritâs Service & MOT
I have been batting about since 6 am, which is ridiculous
Carinthia.xx
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I have been known, when making bread in the machine, to cut the top off the packet of yeast, pour the contents carefully into the bin, and put the packet into the mix.
Edake ere too. Prolly slept wrong. But another blue day, wiv much sun already.
yardarm
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I think that a BM would hit the spot this morning
Carinthia.xx
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Not going to argue with you on that, dere. Can you flumph later?
Gxx
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I bring bacon butties and fresh hot from the oven loaves
Plain sourdough today
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I am imagining the lid on the bin slowly coming open to cries of âItâs alive!ââŚ
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There is fresh brown soda available here, with option on extremely fresh brioche if I can be arsed to make it. Any takers?
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On the subject if sourdough, this experience came to mind. Rather than start a new thread Iâll put it here âŚ
I was yesterday reminded of my experience of getting sandwich for lunch at my then Companyâs Pennsylvania Head Office. âŚ
==============================
After finally reaching the end of what had seemed a short but seemingly inexplicably slow moving queue, the following pantomime began ⌠I learn why a short queue took so long to clear.
âCould I just have a ham sandwich please ?â
âYes sir. Would you like roast ham, boiled ham, smoked ham, turkey ham (etc. Ad infinitum) âŚâ
âOh ⌠er ⌠roast pleaseâ.
âBreaded, or plain ?â
âBreaded, thanks.â
âSmoked ?â
âNo. No thank you.â
âWhich bread would you like sir ?â
I sea a vast array of breads. Overwhelming to be honest. She begins to reel of a well practiced list. I plump for sourdough despite having little clue back then what that was as it looked nice snd fluffy. I, oddly, declined âEnglish Muffinâ on the grounds that ;
a. It looked like a spectacularly unraised bap.
b. Nothing even remotely like it had ever stepped crumb in England
âWhite, wholemeal or half & half ?â
âWhite. ⌠just, plain white pleaseâ I say, half expecting the diversity team to appear for me uttering that word.
âWhat covering would sir like ?â
âCovering ?â Iâm beginning to panic now.
âCoveringâ was her helpful reply. We enter a Hitchcocian stand off as she stares at me and I do a rabbit in headlights impression. A kind (or, more likely, growingly impatient) man behind me say âbutter or the likeâ.
âAh, yes ⌠butter. Yes. Butterâ.
âThree-times churned white butter, single turned low fat butter, olive oil mixed butter, mayo infused butter ?â
I look at another set of options & I am close to trauma. âJust white butter, thank youâ.
âWith sodium, light sodium or sodium free ?â
â⌠sodium ???â (Thinks ⌠"wtf is sodium butter ??)
Same helpful/impatient man says ⌠âsaltâ.
âAaaah, thank you ⌠with, with ⌠er ⌠sodium pleaseâ
A look of genuine horror crosses her face âFULL sodium butter sir ? With HAM ???â
âyes, yes please. Letâs live a littleâ.
She eyes me suspiciously, but does as requested.
She then goes through the 'putting on of the thin blue plastic gloves â ceremony.
Then she takes a knife larger than Excalibur & slices off a number of sizeable pieces from a, frankly, suspiciously enormous haunch of ham more meat than the pilgrims ever saw and with her plastic gloved hands makes up the sarnie.
âMayo sir ?â
âNo thank youâ
âMustard ? ⌠pickles ?â she asks waving her hand to a vast range of options. I resist the temptation to ask if she had any piccalilli and decline.
âSalad ?â
I look, in horror at the 40 or 50 options. âNo. No thanks. Just as it isâ. I simply couldnât enter another option festival.
It is clear she is now convinced Iâm crackers.
Placing the top piece of bread onto what she plainly feels is a woefully plain ham sandwich, she cuts it with a knife which would have been justifiably used in âGame of Thronesâ as Wilko Johnsonâs executionerâs weapon, bags it.
She iffers me chips. Chips with a sandwich. I felt compelled to accept ⌠from which point she scooped up a shovelful of crisps (aaargh) & gives it to me with a ⌠& perhaps Iâm a tad oversensitive by now, barely civil âEnjoy !â
I go off to settle up, only to find I needed a payment card, cash being sooooo 1980âs. A card I didnât have. I could visualise the sandwich disappearing like a new ship being launched. The nice, if impatient man, offered to pay.
All Iâd wanted a ham sandwich.
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Armers., I sympathise.
I have been known to say, to a nice young man in a coffee shop: âWhat I want is an ordinary white coffee, made with cold milk, and so help me if you offer me anything using any word I donât immediately understand I shall go elsewhere for it.â
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My broccoli is purple and itâs shouting
And has joined the Liberation Front of Calabrese
While the cabbage self-identifies as fennel
In the face of literal violence from the peasâŚ
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I know Iâm biased but #2 son live BBC1 TV today & Iâm genuinelt impressed.
⌠& he makes a decent point too.
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I have just sprayed to death a very large flying (well, buzzing) creature which turns out on further investigation to be a hornet.
I donât like it, but at least it wasnât in the bathroomâŚ
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They didnât offer kosher salt (whatever that actually is)? Would go a treat on a ham sandwichâŚ
On which point:
BTW had to go for a titânâarse injection just now (slight run-in with Soo) and while sitting in the waiting room the TV in the corner was showing The Daily Politics. One Matt Kilcoyneâs name popped up on screen - your son? The sound was off, unfortunately.
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