A thing Chris didn't say

Maybe it didn’t occur to him, but it occurred to me.

“I gave my word.”

followed a few sentences later by a punch in the nose.

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To Tom, I do hope, rather than Adam.

(I would make it “I have given my word.” It’s more definite; continuing, rather than in the past.)

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It might just be that I am a particularly pugnacious form of sea-life, but I feel most of TA would be greatly improved by the adoption of this as a dramatic convention.
“Hello, you two” [squish squish]
“Oh, hello Lynda” [crunchity gush, splat splat splat]

I am sure the reader will not be slow in adducing his own favoured scenarios.

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To me it felt like the classic idiot salesman thing:

Salesman: offers fair-ish price.
Real person: not for sale.
Salesman: offers ridiculously high price.
Real person: I already told you, not for sale.
(etc.)

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Except that Tom had absolutely nothing that he was offering! That was why he was so completely absurd.

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Yeah, all macho “we’ll beat them” nonsense. But then, as an solitary sparrer type I don’t really understand this whole “our team good, their team bad” thing.

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But vae victis is a natural human instinct. Innit?

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There are some people who get like that when they win board games. I’m more of the “good game, you nearly had me there” school.

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I think you have missed the point, though. Tom was not offering anything, since he had nothing to offer, as an inducement to Chris.

Chris was not on Tom’s team. He did not intend to be on Tom’s team. Tom had no inducement to offer him that would cause him to break his word, already given to Tracy, and join Tom’s team.

Who would be the “we” and “them” in “we’ll beat them”? Tom is on one side, Chris is on the other.

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As I heard it, the inducement was “being on the cool people team with me”.

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Which since Tom is about as cool as a George Foreman grill is no inducement at all.

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Last I heard, they couldn’t field a full side, let alone two. I thought the sole last fixture last year was Ambridge Ancients v Darrington Dodderers?

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That’s right. Not having had eleven cricketers in Ambridge, they now suddenly have twenty-two.

Has anyone got round to asking Shula how she feels about the memorial for her first husband being ditched for no apparent reason? What will they do with the trophy? Who made this arbitrary decision anyway?

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