I hoped for more


#1

…in the way of wailing and gnashing. Perhaps that will carry over into the week.

Meanwhile, canting Kate gave Freddie an earful, did she?
I was thinking how delicious it would be to give her a noseful - either of fist or, should really spiny little radishes happen to hand, of nostril raphanidosis.

If eager drug ingester Nolle had chanced to die not in Ambridge, how long would it have taken her to notice, d’you reckon?


#2

That would depend on how long it took the notification letter to find her. I assume she shucks correspondence addresses every few months when the bills start piling up.


#3

Kate, of course, never had a drug dealer sharing her house and bed…


#4

There’s still hope in Jill’s talk of the “long journey” ahead; presumably she meant towards redemption and paradise. Surely it would be an act of Christian kindness to shorten that journey?

The next episode has to open with Plank investigating the tragic drowning in the village pond. After all, he’s going for sergeant, so he needs to improve the clear-up rate, and since he only ever arrests his in-laws…


#5

You and I are of one mind. Could we form some kind of benevolent society to further these ends? Or that one, just for starters?


#6

And why is the tontine so neglected in modern financial planning? (Apart from being illegal I mean.) Should generate lots of work for the filth.


#7

Are they illegal? I thought those Christmas Fund thingies got called tontines.


#8

Yes, they do, but that’s not the classic “last one alive gets all the loot” sort. Which as I understand it are illegal in England and Wales, though still quite popular in France.


#9

They SHOULD be illegal. I does sort of imply that deading-off one’s rivals is a way to go.

Maybe they should all accept an anonymous invitation to stay on a remote island, as per Christie’s ‘… and Then There Were None’.

Baggsie Pip & Ruth are invited.


#10

Well of course it bloody is, man.
Call yerself a professional?


#11

You could wait for natural causes, but where’s the fun in that? Besides, Big Vinnie isn’t known for his patience in the matter of gambling debts.


#12

I am now bedazzled by embarrassment.

Apologies.


#13

Actually, thinking about that, what exactly is Fallon & Plank’s relationship to the Clan? Doreen married in, but unless Kenton adopted Fallon, he’s not actually her stepfather, is he? So as far as I can see there’s no real connection at all, except by association.

Still close enough to turn her from a once promising character into a dull, Ambridge-bound little wifey, though.


#14

Kenton regards Fallon as “fammerlee”, as witness his keenness not to have a row with her over Freddie. I think the poor woman is an honorary Archer, therefore.


#15

Ah, but has she been retroactively added to The Portrait?


#16

Shades of “The Wrong Box” (film 1966, novel (R. L. Stevenson et al. - 1889))


#17

…featuring innovative use of kitten as blotting paper


#18

In my experience kittens are very, very bad at blotting. Smearing, now, that isn’t a problem.