Oh, if only: books, etc, that don’t exist but should

The Seven Lumps of Architecture (yes, South Bank, I’m looking at you)

And under ‘etc (recipes)’ there must surely be room for Commination Chicken.

A pop-up book of The Very Angry Caterpillar would be a valuable addition to childhood trauma nursery bookshelves.


“And then they sent the army against him. So he ate the army.”

(Mothra, The Early Years?)


A book of dentists who practised using the "every visit needs a filling " NHS practitioners

So I know who to curse at as my teef crumble thanks to one of the buggas who treated me thusly

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And what would the book be called, Twellsy?

(Could have been worse: could have been an Australian Trench practitioner.)


Money for Future Pain (of patients )

Yes Mr Walmsley and Bruce the Tooth I have you in my rifle sights…

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