So, who wants to help ... to frivol in the cellar? (Part 1)

Not The Archers
1102

Gelert was Brave but not Bright. In the case of twins, Faithful Hound is in a win-win situation. Twin A is carried off and ingested, reducing noise and nuisance in the medium and longer term, while FH can make a good show of assiduously guarding Twin B.

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1103

Twin A, inevitably the older, appears twenty years later having been raised by wolves


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1104

No, Sparrer, that myth is based on a mistranslation. For ‘raised by wolves’, read ‘brought up by a wolf’ and for ‘twenty years’, read ‘twenty minutes’.
Soz.

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1105

I have here a pack of Waitrose free range honey roasted ham. The pack claims that this is ‘deliciously meaty’, am now wondering when I last ate non-meaty ham.

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1106

https://groceries.aldi.co.uk/en-GB/p-quorn-vegetarian-ham-slices-170g/5019503039917

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1107


and do you imagineI have ever eaten that?

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1108

I had a kitten who would fight me for pretendy-bacon.
Just sayin’
Gx

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1109

You might have done without realising?

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1110

A friend in the Netherlands found “tuna döner” with a picture of a chicken on the side (and the ingredients list confirmed the latter). (Yes, same chap who sent me the American English French Toast. He grew up in the Midlands and was traumatised by the food.)

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1111

Hugely coincidentally, I’ve just seen the thread elseboard on foods you would never have in your kitchen. Number one on my list is anything whatsoever that is pretending to be meat, fish, dairy etc but isn’t. A prejudice, no doubt, but it’s my prejudice and I’m sticking to it.

ETA The ham is no more and it was meatily delicious.

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1112

I have dined u upon roast root veg with za’atar
I now have a new favourite flavour to toss on food

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1113

I feel the same way; I’d rather eat an honest sprout than fake bacon.

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1114

My Cousin Rachel, who is vegetarian because she doesn’t actually like the taste of meat can’t bear these ‘fake meats’.

I have only just remembered to trot out in me Negligible


Carinthia. xx

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1115

Try her with the laburnum-based ones?

If she doesn’t like the taste of meat, then why was the dozy mare expecting to like ‘carefully crafted from non-meat proteins to taste like meat’ products? These things have their place for veggies who did like the taste of meat but not the principle of it.
Gxx

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1116

She wasn’t, but many in those unenlightened times thought that she would be missing ‘proper food’


Entirely orff the wall, I know, but I felt the same about Humanist Funerals

Pauses to allow Snorking/Choking/Otherking

The first 2 I went to, Umpty years ago, were utterly dire. The ‘Celebrant’ had no control over the crowd, there were lots of people who stood up & said the same things &, as a consequence, both lasted for almost 2 hours.

I personally, felt an ‘God-shaped’ hole in the proceedings, but knew that the Dearly Departed had really gorn orff God, so I was happy to go with the flow.

Every one I have been to since has been an improvement, & the last one, in 2018, was such a positive occasion, with room for both the God-botherers amongst us, & those who don’t/don’t care/can’t/won’t/have absolutely no interest.

Things can, & orften do get better, but in the beginning can be dire.

Carinthia. xx

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1117

That has nothing to do with humanism (and not all secular funerals are humanist, btw) and more to do with incompetence on the one hand and bad manners on the other.

After a genuinely humanist service, the only sausage rolls permitted are vegan. It’s the Law. That leaves summat of a hole, too
Gxx

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1118

Oh, how I agree with you, Gus


Pitcher?

Carinthia. xx

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1119

Why not, Darling? A splendid notion, in fact. Ta, and slainte.
An alarm has just gone off here. Only for a minute, but that’s more than enough. No doubt installed by ‘MacBeth & Co. Estd. For all your sleep-murdering needs.’

Gxx

And 15 mins later, off the bugger goes again. Though for only 15 seconds. Hmm.

2nd ETA. And again. If I find out whose it is I shall perforate their abdomen repeatedly with the serrated knife I used to slice elderly, frozen and half-defrosted venison sausages and have not yet washed up properly. I might dip it in the rejected catfood beforehand too. It’s these little neighbourly touches that make all the difference, don’t you think?

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1120

Well, at a vegetarian ceremony, they’d be vegetarian, so
?

I believe the phrase is “I’ll give you something to wail about”.

yardarm

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1121

Morning all
I think today we will have cold sossige butties

Places humongous platter of said butties on the table and runs away

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