That bath in full

There’s hot baths for all at Howchicker Hall…

Elizabeth, for it is she: Right, Beth, I’ve drawn your bath . It is hot, as you say; I hope you will also find it wet, just don’t feel you need to tell me that. I can see you’re terribly upset. Can I bring you anything else? I think one of Uncle Rupert’s cut-throat razors is still kicking about in the minor dressing-room of the Puce Suite in the Nor Nor’West wing. I keep hoping Freddie will… oh never mind.
Or some gin? A bottle of the rubbing Tanqueray, perhaps? Only my nephew does seem to be in a bit of a taking, as well as being given to [discreet and ladylike cough] getting, and I really think it would be better all round if -
Beth, for unfortunately it is she also: Dad! Come back, Dad! I’ve changed my mind. Break both his legs or [reprise of sobbing] I’ll never trust you agai… Ooh, is that rubber duck from Harvey Nicks, Elizabeth?


Sounds like a couple of customers for Sparrer’s Bruvver’s Persuadin’ Sticks.