That was dire

The Archers
1

Thassorl.

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2

You expected better?

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3

It was almost impossible to do a synopsis for.

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4

< suspicious >
Is that a trick question?

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5

No, just a stupid one.

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6

This fake quarrelling business brings back bad memories of Tom and Hannah attempting to conceal their bonking from Johnny. I suppose Johnny must think this sort of behaviour is normal by now.

Where is Johnny living now, by the way? Are he and Hannah still at No. 1, The Green?

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7

Yes, because he sees Jazzer and Tracy quarrelling on the doorstep on the other side of the road, and that’s where 6, The Green is.

Though the numbering of that road is shot to cock, because 1 and 2 are two halves of a semi, and 5 and 6 are on the other side of the road, which makes no sense at all since they were all built at the same time.

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8

The architect had visited urban Japan and never quite recovered?

(The bizarre numbering there does have a reason: on a single block, it’s the order in which the lots were originally sold, with new numbers added if they’re subdivided.)

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9

I would hate to be a postman in Japan.

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10

You would have to get to know your blocks. Same with any sort of delivery people, including food.

And of course there are regional exceptions


“Although the official national addressing system is in use in Kyoto [
] the chƍ divisions are very small, numerous, and there is often more than one chƍ with the same name within a single ward, making the system extremely confusing. As a result, most residents of Kyoto use an unofficial system based instead on street names, a form of vernacular geography. This system is, however, recognized by the post office and by government agencies.”

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11

“Ok, I’m new round here: where have they hidden number 6?”

We had a block like that in Bristol.

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12

This is why I rather like the US system of starting each block at a new hundred, so if your address is 1378 27th Street you know it’ll be between 13th and 14th Avenue. (I mean, sure, flavourless names, but if you have to have them you might as well take advantage of them.)

(Even better is the system they use for highway junction numbers, where they’re numbered by mile from a reference point rather than just in sequence - so (a) you know roughly how far you’ve got to go (unless you’re crossing a state line where the numbering resets) and (b) if you build a new one you just give it the obvious number rather than faffing about with “junction 9A” etc.)

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13

So was tonight’s.
But since the perpetrators seem to think pooh is a humorous topic, we all ought to be splitting our little sides after 12.5 solid minutes of shite.
And commentators will leap on the ‘see my bonsai’ thing -which clearly was quite deliberate - with fourth-form glee and do it to death.
Bonsai is the new Schnauzer. Let joy be unconfined.
Aye. That’s all we need

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14

That was such a nasty scene. What sort of mannerless oaf introduces a visitor to another visitor before (and indeed instead of) the elder woman of the household? And what sort of mannerless cow then monopolises that person and ignores both her hostess and the person she claimed to be visiting?

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15

I am glad to say that even the worst perpetrator of third-form humour seems to have given that one a miss.

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16

Give it time, dere

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17

Wossername is a mannerless being - please do not insult the Herefords by likening them to her

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18

My apologies to the Herefords, the Montbéliardes, the Anguses and whichever breed of dairy cows Ruth has imported in her most recent All Change at Brookfield.

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19

So was that. Dire, I mean.
Enough of the bloody Remembrance Garden already. Also enough of Squeaky Phoebs (to last a lifetime) and of the caring and good-looking (natch) Amybot.
And talking of Natch, I do hope those blankets are Unlucky.

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20

It sucked swamp. Through a straw.

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