Catching up with the synopses…

#1

15 February

[Emma] goes to see Jolene about giving Nic her job back but Jolene’s already given her shifts to Toby.

“You make horrible gin and everybody hates you. You’re ideal bar staff material.”

Emma['s] determined to get Nic a job and patch up their friendship.

Because they have always been such great friends, snarling at each other over unlikeable brats and barely-more-likeable men.

16 February:

Justin tells [Annabelle] it never hurts to have someone in your debt.

Ah, he’s meant to be the Matt-replacement in that regard too. But Matt would never have had to say it out loud to get the point across.

18 February:

Toby’s performance in the lambing shed has gone to his head - he now thinks of himself as the “Ewe-whisperer”.

Look at his success with Pip, for that matter.

#2

The synopses are often quite entertaining by their inaccuracies, as you have pointed out. The one for 18th says

“Joe and Nic sort through a box of old things for the upcycling event at Darrington’s Vintage Fair. Joe finds the picture frame he’d kept next to his bed with a picture of Susan in it. Joe tells Nic that she should sell all the items at the fair and spend the money on the children, no point “hanging onto memories that won’t come back”.”

as well as being sententious crap (Joe on memories is complete garbage) doesn’t bother to mention Nic’s cut arm – which is presumably still hurting, since she was trying to lift things one-handed yesterday.

#3

19 February:

Later, Helen offers Susan the role of managing the kefir. Susan is delighted.

Why, not just kefir, but all Bridge Farm Fermented Products can be your responsibility.

Sewage is a fermented product, right?

#4

Doesn’t that make him a cow-whisperer?

#5

20 February:

Pip tells Helen that when she was doing her rounds delivering the Hereford beef she bumped into Alfie.

What, she’s still claiming that “Alfie” exists? Well, I suppose it’s a way to get Helen to talk (briefly) about something other than Helen…

#6

21 February:

Exasperated Shula says it would be a nice reason to sit down together and talk, after getting so many questions wrong at the Tea Room’s Valentine’s quiz, it feels like that’s exactly what they need.

Gaw, why don’t they just play board games together like normal people?

#7

26 February:

Emma gets the impression that Will doesn’t want her there.

Considering their personal history, I’d have thought that would be true even without Emma’s argument with Dead St Nic. Still, I suppose it’s a sign that Emma is at last developing theory of mind (“the ability to attribute mental states—beliefs, intents, desires, pretending, knowledge, etc.—to oneself, and to others, and to understand that others have beliefs, desires, intentions, and perspectives that are different from one’s own”). Most people manage it by age 5 or so.

Ruth sympathises, she was there when her mother, Heather died too.

[sic]. Maybe this would help?

Tony tells Joe that he believes if someone knows they’re running out of time, they focus on what matters, so if they say something special you ought to take notice.

Fortunately Nic didn’t, so that’s all right.

And John probably mostly said “ow, there’s a tractor on my chest”.

#8

A far more realistic view of last words:

First two minutes or so.

#9

1 March:

Toby’s gets an idea when Neil mentions that Tom turned down his offer to breed his weeners .

[sic]

But this is obviously a misprint for “wieners” – Toby will be bypassing the middlepig and raising sausages directly.

#10

Toby’s what, I wonder? And WTF is a “weener”??

#11

Same bit he always thinks with, I imagine.

#12

A weaner is a sweet little piglet.

#13

“Weaner” and “Wiener” I know, but what illiterate came up with “weener”?

#14

Whatever else it might be, I doubt it’s a misprint.

#15

For a full day a interview’s title read “jockey’s lisence”. I suspect it’s a sign of age to be able to spell correctly.

#16

19 March:

Pat cooks her vegetable stew for The Elms shelter but is taken aback when someone makes a suggestion on how to improve it.

“Leave it out as bait for the mice and cockroaches and things, then catch and cook them. It’ll taste better.”

Helen teases her about taking criticism and suggests that Pat makes it for the family that evening, with the suggested ingredients.

“Tee hee, Mum, you never have to take criticism when you’re perfect like me.”

Helen is busy getting everything prepared for the first cheese making class. When Pat learns that there are only 5 people booked in she reminds Helen that, in the long term, they will need more people to make the business idea viable.

“Nah, it’s Exclusive Artisanal Cheesemaking and the suckers will pay fifty grand each. You’re on bedmaking and room-cleaning and gourmet cooking duty.”

#17

21 March:

Susan tries to explain Alice’s awful drunk behaviour at the funeral

“She got very drunk.” What’s to explain?

Susan also talks about Neil giving Rex some pig training.

“This is only one side of a pig…”

There was a lot of [illicit waste dumping] going on in those days [says Bert]

No there wasn’t. There was very little illegal dumping in the UK until 1996, when the Landfill Tax was brought in. Before that, councils would dispose of anything you gave them and have no reason to look closely at it.

#18

The wretched cheese-making class

I looked up a class at the Ballymaloe Cookery School, after a cousin was talking about giving it as a gift. They have an excellent reputation.

The class she looked at was making butter & soft cheeses using milk from their own Organic Jersey Herd . The morning was to be rounded off with a decent Lunch . 135Euros, or thereabouts

What I heard tonight was Play School…

Carinthia.xx

#19

25 March:

Lynda is struggling on with reading Tolkien’s The Silmarillion - Clarrie suggests watching a film version, and during the Palm Sunday service Lynda asks Jennifer if there is one.

Question: you are not enjoying a book, but you’re going to be expected to talk about it, so you are curious about a film version. Do you:

  1. Search IMDb for the book title?
  2. Look up the book on Wikipedia and see if it mentions a film adaptation?
  3. Ask your friend who is neither a film fan nor a book fan?
#20

23 March:

Jill tells Alistair he’s like a son to her - he mustn’t give up hope, and no matter what Shula says Jill’s sure this isn’t the end.

'Cos Jill has her harpoon and bottle of pheromones?

What blimmin’ business is it of hers anyway?