Mrs Kenton Archer


Objections to Jolene’s ‘singing’ voice have been many and justified. Is it only me who finds her speaking voice equally intolerable? Tonight, I wanted to sever her vocal cords with a rusty hacksaw blade (in the absence of a ditto teaspoon).
OK, for me hating the denizens of Ambridge is something of a sport but I find her genuinely repellent in almost every particular. She oozes sleaze and falsity.


She is also a nasty bully. Not that Kenton doesn’t deserve being put in his place, but gawdsake, give it a bloody rest woman!

Also stupid: who wants to name their pub for an expletive?



(sorry about the ‘vocal chords’ above - dunno what happened there. I did mean hacksaw, though - definitely not hawk in this instance.)


'spect you had cords on the brain, what with imagining tightening one around Jolene’s throat. Which would probably shut her up.


It is vocal cords, without an h, so that would be right either way.


It is not ‘chords’ when she sings?

Well approximately sings, being Jolene.


Vocal cords, vocal folds, voice reeds – they are all names for the same bits of skin that are used to make a sound in your throat.

You don’t sing chords as a rule; you sing one note at a time. Unless you are doing one of those weird specialist sorts of singing that involves a head-note and a chest-note at the same time, I suppose. Tuvan throat-singing is still only one note at a time, I think.


How? Like circular breathing, just how?
I know they are both Things, but they baffle me.


I have no idea how it’s done. I am fairly sure I don’t want to know, either! I might forget how to breath just ordinarily.


Exactly that. Mind you, thinking too hard about how to wiggle one’s ears tends to make me trip over me own feet, so I am probably the Wrong Sort of Person to muse on these mysteries anyway.


We aren’t very good at keeping ‘on topic’, are we?


Wassat then?



'J’lean is ‘orrible: discuss’?
But then, what’s to discuss about that? An open and shut case.


Well, if one were in a relationship with Kathy the Joy Vacuum, perhaps she might look more appealing?


Um, it was just a sillysophical question.

Anyways, does soo know Jolene has renamed the Bull after her?


Let’s not tell her. I hate to cause unnecessary pain.


It’s OK, the BBC synopsis has been updated now and the name is officially ‘The B at Ambridge’.

So soo is unaffected.


Or harking back to the title, “That B— at Ambridge”.


Looking at it that way, it’s a perfect name!


…an there wuz oi ‘opin’ fer zummat loike “The Gin-Soaked Ash-Tray” or “The Flopped Floozie” or “The Wonky Warbler” (…cont. on p94)

…but seriously, folks, would the landlords of "The Bull" really want to change the name in such a what seems to me to be a rather impetuous way? I remember when as a kid living back in Blighty, “The New Inn” at the end of the street where I grew up changed hands and I well remember my old Dad (one of their best customers) explaining to me what was meant by the term “Goodwill” in terms of a business particularly when a named entity changes hands or is sold. It seems ludicrous that this would happen… …even in Ambridge! (…shouts of “Oh no it wouldn’t!”)