Mrs Kenton Archer


#1

Objections to Jolene’s ‘singing’ voice have been many and justified. Is it only me who finds her speaking voice equally intolerable? Tonight, I wanted to sever her vocal cords with a rusty hacksaw blade (in the absence of a ditto teaspoon).
OK, for me hating the denizens of Ambridge is something of a sport but I find her genuinely repellent in almost every particular. She oozes sleaze and falsity.


#2

She is also a nasty bully. Not that Kenton doesn’t deserve being put in his place, but gawdsake, give it a bloody rest woman!

Also stupid: who wants to name their pub for an expletive?


#3

Snork!

(sorry about the ‘vocal chords’ above - dunno what happened there. I did mean hacksaw, though - definitely not hawk in this instance.)


#4

'spect you had cords on the brain, what with imagining tightening one around Jolene’s throat. Which would probably shut her up.


#5

It is vocal cords, without an h, so that would be right either way.


#6

It is not ‘chords’ when she sings?

Well approximately sings, being Jolene.


#7

Vocal cords, vocal folds, voice reeds – they are all names for the same bits of skin that are used to make a sound in your throat.

You don’t sing chords as a rule; you sing one note at a time. Unless you are doing one of those weird specialist sorts of singing that involves a head-note and a chest-note at the same time, I suppose. Tuvan throat-singing is still only one note at a time, I think.


#8

How? Like circular breathing, just how?
I know they are both Things, but they baffle me.


#9

I have no idea how it’s done. I am fairly sure I don’t want to know, either! I might forget how to breath just ordinarily.


#10

Exactly that. Mind you, thinking too hard about how to wiggle one’s ears tends to make me trip over me own feet, so I am probably the Wrong Sort of Person to muse on these mysteries anyway.


#11

We aren’t very good at keeping ‘on topic’, are we?


#12

Wassat then?


#13

Errr…

'J’lean is ‘orrible: discuss’?
But then, what’s to discuss about that? An open and shut case.


#14

Well, if one were in a relationship with Kathy the Joy Vacuum, perhaps she might look more appealing?


#15

Um, it was just a sillysophical question.

Anyways, does soo know Jolene has renamed the Bull after her?


#16

Let’s not tell her. I hate to cause unnecessary pain.


#17

It’s OK, the BBC synopsis has been updated now and the name is officially ‘The B at Ambridge’.

So soo is unaffected.


#18

Or harking back to the title, “That B— at Ambridge”.


#19

Looking at it that way, it’s a perfect name!


#20

…an there wuz oi ‘opin’ fer zummat loike “The Gin-Soaked Ash-Tray” or “The Flopped Floozie” or “The Wonky Warbler” (…cont. on p94)

…but seriously, folks, would the landlords of "The Bull" really want to change the name in such a what seems to me to be a rather impetuous way? I remember when as a kid living back in Blighty, “The New Inn” at the end of the street where I grew up changed hands and I well remember my old Dad (one of their best customers) explaining to me what was meant by the term “Goodwill” in terms of a business particularly when a named entity changes hands or is sold. It seems ludicrous that this would happen… …even in Ambridge! (…shouts of “Oh no it wouldn’t!”)
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