Catching up with the synopses…


Apparently she ‘behaved impeccably’ < spit >


31 May:

Tom invites Hannah out for dinner, and she lets him down gently

into the scorpion pit.

But Tom makes things worse by saying he doesn’t think Philip is right for her.

Official Prediction: she will decide he’s right.

Christine’s enjoyed herself, but has confused many of the orders.

“Ooh, I distinctly said heliotrope with light purple accents, not light purple with heliotrope!”

Fallon thinks it’s just her age, but Harrison wonders if it’s something more serious.

“'Cos there’s a lot of advantage gets taken of batty old women. Er, so I’ve heard.”

1 June:

Alistair finds Shula lying on the sofa. He teases her about being lazy, then realises she’s feeling pretty ill.



5 June:

Tom’s concerned that it might be too much for Pip, who is eight weeks from her due date, but she knows her limits.

“That’s why, like all Archer women, I get my family to do all the work for me.”

Before he leaves Rex asks Tom what Hannah drinks - he wants to thank her for some pig advice.

“Château Margaux '13, or other recommendations from”

(Ooh 'eck that’s an actual site.)

Emma tries to persuade Mia to open up about quitting football, but Mia insists that she’s just gone off it.

Which is obvious nonsense, because children never have opinions of their own.


It would make a change if instead of Failing To Mourn Properly, the reason Mia is off football is that she is being bullied.


10 June:

Brian’s been telling anyone who asks that Kate is "away

with the fairies".

she reminds Brian that Kate could do real damage if she decides to tell the full story.

Assuming anyone listened to her. “Oh, right, the owner’s daughter who can’t even make a success of taking money off New Age suckers. Yeah, I’m sure she’s an unbiased source.”


14 June:

At the fete committee meeting Fallon introduces her big idea; Pets’ Party Pieces, a pet talent show. Lynda thinks it’s perfect.

Because apparently they’re both living in the 1970s. Or maybe it’s the Miasma from the Am?

Shula admits she’s had a horrible week - Alistair was so cold at the mediation session.

"All I did was tell him I never loved him and our marriage was a lie, and now he doesn’t seem to like me any more! I’m an Ambridge Woman – Ambridge Women get away with much worse than that, all the time!"


And risk losing and/or bankrupting her only real source of income? Yeah, right.


15 June:

At the Borchester show Ed’s worst fears are realised when the officials laugh at the fact that his ram lamb is called Peppa Pig.

That’s Ed’s worst fear?

Wow, he doesn’t have much imagination, does he? Here are some more things he should be afraid of.

  • Bankrupcty
  • Emma leaving him for a better provider, or just someone less whiny
  • His father involving him in yet another illegal scheme
  • Anything good happening to Will, ever (fortunately this is impossible)

17 June:

It’s the day of Ruth’s birthday party and she’s excited. She loves her new scarf from David.

All right, I am going to be getting a scarf as a present some time soon, but it is being knat by That Fish’s own fair fins, to my exact specification. I don’t think David did that, somehow.

Ruth’s just as much a daughter to her as Elizabeth and Shula, says Jill.

Gaw, what a choice.


Indeed, if I were Ruth I’d say,
‘Ooh, can I be like Elizabeth, “brave and beautiful” rather than Shula, the one you tell off all the time?’

Only I’d have to say it with a fake Geordie accent.


Is there a “not” missing?


Apparently he likes her, as more than just “something my brother has”.


18 June:

In return he asks if Harrison would have a go at bell ringing. Sure, agrees Harrison. How hard can it be?

What happened in The Nine Tailors: 2-1
Strangulation on own rope: 3-1
Strangulation on someone else’s rope: 5-1

Kenton gets the Bull ready for the England match

Ew, just what you want when you’ve popped round to your local for a quiet pint, full of blasted hooligans.

his bouncy castle had been torn and he now has to buy a new one

What, right now? Does a lot of business with this thing we’ve never heard of before, does he?

Toby’s also struggling to think of a baby name.

What business is it of his?

They decide to run a sweepstake to make it interesting.

There’s obvious potential for corruption here.

Kenton’s day just goes from bad to worse.

First thing in the morning he wakes up and remembers he’s Kenton. How much worse can it get?


Don’t even think it; it’ll only make the disappointment that much harder.


Well, quite.

How about “the tragic” ?


20 June:

Gaw. With Kate?

Well, we knew he had bad taste. See Pip. But even so.


Even more inexplicably, it’s a repeat offence.

While we’re talking about Toerag, I still want to know what really happened in Brighton.


21 June:

But Alice’s words have hit a nerve with Kate. No-one takes her seriously; she might as well give up.


Phoebe counsels her to stop sulking and start fighting.


Jennifer agrees they can’t let Spiritual Home go under.

Who, apart from Kate, would care? And Kate could be distracted by a new Toby shiny.


22 June:

As Usha yelps Kate realises her mistake and apologises, offering Usha a complimentary scalp massage as compensation. More at ease, Usha […]

That’s not what I heard. I heard Usha in just as much pain as before.

She recommends legal advice, which Kate thinks is a great idea.

“I’ll get in contact with my colleague and sort you out a special rate.”

(Dear Colleague. Bad case of Dad’s Money, and she’s taking on Dad, so make sure you get your fees up front just in case Dad notices, but otherwise you should be able to string her along for years.)

She feels like her family have been banking on her giving up

That’s what she’s always done before when life has presented obstacles: give up and go away. Why should this time be any different? Just because she hasn’t finished with Tobes yet?


I would always tend to be slightly suspicious of a lawyer drumming up trade for one of her colleagues.


I suppose it’s why they’re called solicitors…