I think that was about the time at which I started to say “Mawk! Mawk! Mawk!” with increasing volume.
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Did you then lay an egg, dere?
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Actrix: sporting feats whereby a bowler dismisses three batsmen with successive deliveries
“What care I if sciatica comes,
If elephantiasis calls?
I bowled three cricketing Thesps
With three consecutive balls”
And now I am going to have to chase down the origin of that, drat you 
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…the only thing your mention of cricket brings to this wretched mind is:
"The boy stood on the burning deck
Playing a game of cricket
The ball ran up his trouser-leg
and stumped his middle-wicket!" 
(…wiv’ apologies to Mrs. Felicia Dorothea Hemans)
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Had she designs on the boy?
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And I have. It is from Cricket Songs by Norman Gale, 1896.
The Church Cricketant
I bowled three sanctified souls
With three consecutive balls!
What do I care if Blondin trod
Over Niagra Falls?
What do I care for the loon in the Pit
Or the gilded Earl in the Stalls?
I bowled three curates once
With three consecutive balls!
I caused three protestant ‘ducks’
With three consecutive balls!
Poets may rave of lily girls
Dancing in marble halls!
What do I care for a bevy of yachts
Or a dozen or so of yawls?
I bowled three curates once
With three consecutive balls!
I bowled three cricketing priests
With three consecutive balls!
What if a critic pounds a book
What if an author squalls?
What do I care if sciatica comes
Elephantiasis calls?
I bowled three curates once
With three consecutive balls.
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Well found! and worthy, too.
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Monday December the twenty-turd!
…well, here we go again, more turds, piled ever so much higher and ever so much deeper!
Six words:
Holy Jesus Christ on a Cornflake!
…well, what else is there to say?
Ho Ho Ho?
(…nope, somehow I think not! 
)
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Yuletide! December twenty-fifthish! Ho Ho Ho!
…this is almost as bad as looking at the family snaps!
…Bloody Charades? (…now who do we know (hint: famous (deceased) Royal Personage) who loved to play Charades?)
…living proofage that t’Archers 'ave ideas above their station!
Bestest line in Yule Epi:
BaconBoy: “…yes! yes! …alright, I’m an idiot!” (equal first)
unidentified cast-member: “…you can say that again!” (equal first)
(later) PolPat: (about BaconBoy) “…I could swing for him!”
RestOfWorld: “…oooohh, YES PLEASE!!!!”
Ho! Ho! Ho!
(…yeah, right! )
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So, Ollie Foxybrush has finally lost it!
(aside:) Hush! …what’s that noise?
RestOfWorld: “…just Caroline spinning in her grave!”
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I bet she is, but “It’s what Joe would have wanted”!
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The best Christmas Clarrieluv ever had
No slaving to pander to the Grundy menfolk
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I just had some truffle-infused salami … via Lidl.
I may never eat anything else. Ever.
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Fear not, Armrest. I survived, and so dv will you.
Cold gammon and bubble & squeak tonight. < purrrs >
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Oooh, bubble and squeak… Yes! And we have some cooked gammon in the freezer.
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…but surely (Shirley) you need spinach with that!
…well, “Heigh ho! says Rowley”
(…for more see: (Singing nursery rhyme lyrics with babies and children | Words for Life))
(…PS: good luck wiv yer courtin’ 
)
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St Steven’s Day: Scrape, scrape scrape!
Angus? (…who he?¹)
¹ latest parachuted-in pretentious prat (…sounds like the perfect match for Kenny)
Sounds like a case for PCWoodenCop “'Ullo, 'ullo, 'ullo, Oooo whacked Eccles then?”
Oh well, (…looking at watch) better get out and hunt some wrens! (…it’s 22:02 on this side of t’Pond)
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He did rather deserve being called ‘Kenny’, don’t you think, after all the ‘Daves’ he has inflicted on his brother (or ‘bro’).
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…most definitely! (…I’ve even heard “KennyBoy” in these circles! 
)
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Friday December 27th: Scrap, scrape, scrape, wipe! …flush!
Zummer Weddin’ ? …sounds like a chance for BrokeFailed "Weddin’s R Us"
(…yeuch!!!)
…and so it goes!
…I can’t help but wonder: …does the twenty-grand include air-fare? …one-way for some guests (we hope)
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