Sturmey Archer’s Slipped Cogs


Oh no dere, surely they don’t flush? They put the scrapings and wipings onto the scripts…


This years SW Christmas Challenge seems to be see who can create the biggest tosser. Sarah McDonald-Hughes is showing strongly with two front-runners in Angus and Gavin. Could suffer from a split vote, though…


Moaney & Lee castratin’ balls…
…and Straw Tossin’
Nothing to it…
…you just:
Whip it in…
Whip it out…
Wipe it off! (…pretty simple really!)


Lee:. "…but Tony, you’ve really no need to worry about me, I have several ways of disarming a knife-wielding, angry attacker! I have a rainbow-belt in self-defense! ".


Tonight’s episode really annoyed me.
Not only, as remarked elsethread, is it ridiculous to have Jim getting so legless (at pub prices for a double scotch, ffs) that he pukes, but the SW was lazy enough, and the editor idle enough, to include a full countdown from ten to the midnight chimes. That’s about eight seconds of dialogue they didn’t have to bother writing. But I suppose they didn’t do it for the turning on the Christmas lights this year, and there might be an Allowance written down somewhere…

Helen has dragged Lee off. Will she kill and devour the tedious little twerp afterwards? (she’ll need a shower first, won’t she, if she’s been encased tit to toe in PVC or similar? ewwww)


…I’ve not heard the latest scrapage yet, however I found "Ghost Stories from Ambridge" "Lost Hearts" earlier in the evening! Sounds to me just like Prof. Jimmus (…albeit with minimal La’in) (…so much for being scared shit-less!)

…best line from the M.R. James spooky-story: "…such persons as could be conveniently removed…" :thinking::thinking::thinking: (…BabyPoopSquit? …Roooooaaahhhhrrriiiiigheee?)

…this morsel of scrapage which the mop missed, left me wondering just how many of the countless LowestPoxley punters will be demanding their money back as I certainly would!


…just mopped up. Well, that was even more disappointing than the “Lost Farts” from earlier in the evening! …and talking of mopping-up, for me the biggest disappointment of the evening has to be the fact that Prof. Jimmus’s Technicolour-Yawn wasn’t over TheKaledonianKlown’s bag-pipes! (…now that would have earned mega-points! (…are you listening SW-Team?))

…and so onward (…and downward) into 2020! HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!


January Thirst 2020:

I got as far as WidderBeth, TheSmells, and suddenly I had an overwhelming desire to defenestrate the soddin’ wireless as soon as possible!

OMG - this is fucking ludicrous!



Friday January Turd:

Fight breaking out in staff-room! (…yeah, right…)

Would WoyOfTheWotas have used the word "debacle" …as in Re-Wilding in such a stilted way? …sounded rather weird to these old ears! :face_with_raised_eyebrow::thinking:


Jan Turd’s last line:

KaledonianKlown: “…I just wish there was a better ending to it all…”

RestOfWorld: “…you might say that about any of the recent scripts in TA…”

…and why was TKK so mortified when Plank broke the news to him? I would have thought a man like TKK would be overjoyed and have wanted to find out where where the deceased was interred so that he might visit the site and show his respect in the usual way! :roll_eyes:

Oh well, I guess they’ve started off the new decade in the manner they mean to go on! :unamused::unamused::expressionless::expressionless::face_with_raised_eyebrow::face_with_raised_eyebrow:


I’m also a bit mystified as to why Jim is supposed to be so disturbed that his abuser, a man well into his nineties, has died. Not entirely unexpected was it? And since Jim had decided, as was his right, not to pursue the matter of the abuse, especially considering the very small chance of a successful prosecution, I should have thought Harold Jaystone being dead would be a good thing as far as Jim is concerned.


And now we learn he was living in a nursing home, thereby making it even less likely that he could have heard about—let alone gone to—Jim’s party. And why would he want to? Given the history, keeping well away would be the sensible option.


Jim doesn’t really seem like the “go off on a private mission of revenge” type.


Sunday January 5th:

Fer Chist’s sake when oh, when will TheKaledonianKlown fall in a Poo-Lagoon, or have a close encounter of the FatalKind with a piece of agricultural heavy-machinery? Please, Lord! …soon, Lord!

…uuuuggggghhh! :nauseated_face::nauseated_face::nauseated_face::nauseated_face::nauseated_face::nauseated_face::nauseated_face::face_vomiting::face_vomiting::face_vomiting::face_vomiting::face_vomiting::face_vomiting::face_vomiting:


Oh, Sturmers, I’m not with you on that idea. I do like Jazzer though he’s being awfie annoying right now.


Huge fuss about nothing. Jayston carking it would only be distressing for Jim were a prosecution under way.
And Jazzer is bizarrely obsessive about it. Protesting too much, perhaps?

It’s been a lousy and bandwagonish SL from start to what we can only hope is now the finish.


Don’t worry, nothing I could do to you compares with what you daily put up with from the Oaf. Which reminds me, I must trim Heidi’s claws or Mr Janie will pay the price as she stares into his eyes lovingly while pounding his chest, simultaneously penetrating three layers of clothing.

Yes indeed it has. Fingers crossed we don’t - as some have surmised - get a Jazzer abuse story that explains his obsession.


The temptation, for anyone forced to share quarters with him, must be overwhelming.

(Then we discover that the whole “Scottish background” is an invention of his traumatised mind, which explains why he always overplays it in a way that real Scottish people hardly ever do…)


I see that I am the sole member of the Jazzer Fan Club on this board at any rate!


…arrrgh, now that moit be true, but oi thinks there be several readers hereabouts ‘oo thinks you be smashin’ moi dere, an’ us still luvs 'ee!! :heart_eyes::kissing_heart::kissing_heart: