Sunday January 12th:
NastyArseshur: “…wedding bells in Ambridge! Ooooo, I can’t wait!”
BaconBoy: “…me neither!”
RestofWorld: “…is there an echo in here?” 
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I was driving home from Mass at the time
Note to self:
Do not listen to TA when in charge ovvan vehicule …
'nother note to self:
Provide suitable receptacles in which to throw up
Carinthia.xx
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What I don’t understand (Inspector) is why that wet week Windy Miller didn’t just stab TomTit through the eye with a fork. Or a rose stem.
“I’ve always loved roses and chrysanthemums”. That’s nice, dear. But seldom in the same bunch, surely.
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Totally weird, their reciting marriage vows to each other. Tom’s worried about Natasha spending all their money and Kirsty about Philip’s health, I suppose.
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Because it would miss his brain by about three feet
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oh joe, you’re so practical, dere.
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But think of how artistic the crime scene photos would be!
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…I thought the same, and am still trying to fathom that one out, as well as flushing the very thought from this demented mind with copious amounts of adult-beverages, and several bales of good baccy! 
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“Do we want the SOCOs or NAFAS, guv?”
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Well, someone has to be. She’d only go to Helen for advice, as usual–even knowing that her technique isn’t particularly effective.
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NAFAS, of course. SOCO did enough damage before…
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…endless discussions of photies in excruciating detail ensues! (…be careful what you wish for, me owd sparra!)
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Werl, I’m used to that, being an innocent bird who happens to have a number of friends wot are profoundly misunderstood by the legal system…
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A fitting end for Twonk would be trussed with an apple rammed in his gob
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And, in a nod to Eastern culinary traditions and in the spirit of fusion food, the fat end of a pineapple up the other end of his alimentary tract.
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…oh no! (…memories of stuck-piggy, then spit-roast, then Sodom&Begorrah… …exits, screaming…) 
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High political office surely beckons…
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Gus
I hope you have a wire on that pineapple to s-l-o-o-o-o-o-wl-y pull it out
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Mais naturellement. But you’re not expecting me to eat it after that, are you?
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…a wire attached to the pin, of course! (…at least I hope that’s what you mean!) 
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